I have always felt like an outsider looking in. I knew I was somehow different from most all of those around me. I heard the words introvert and extrovert but never really understood them. Then Susan Cain came along. I saw her TED talk below:

When I saw her talk, it began an awakening in me. I purchased and read her book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.” It was then that I realized I wasn’t broken, there wasn’t something wrong with me and I wasn’t alone. For me, this was a watershed moment and my first step towards healing.

I started to research personalities. I took a personality test on the site 16personalities.com. I took it several times being as honest about myself as I could. We all have multiple facets of our self. There is the person we truly are, the person we want others to see or believe we are, and there is the person others perceive us to be. While taking the test, I wanted to be very careful not to answer the questions in the manner of how I wanted to be perceived but how I truly am. From the test, I continued to come out as an INFJ (Advocate).

Throughout my life, I struggled to find people I could identify with – finding out I was an INFJ answered some of those questions. There are not many INFJs out there. The INFJ is the rarest personality type. The INFJ personality makes up less than 1% of the population. This explains why I have often felt misunderstood and isolated.

As with every personality, there are positives and negatives. My personality and my C-PTSD seem to intermesh. I am not sure if this a good thing. I also wonder how much my childhood informed my personality. I tend to take things to the max – no half measures.

“Advocates may see helping others as their purpose in life. They are troubled by injustice, and they typically care more about altruism than personal gain. As a result, Advocates tend to step in when they see someone facing unfairness or hardship. Many people with this personality type also aspire to fix society’s deeper problems, in the hope that unfairness and hardship can become things of the past.”

16personalities.com

I am deeply troubled by injustice. I will pursue any injustice regardless of the cost to myself or to my career. I will fight an injustice for another even if they do not want to fight for it themselves. The slightest injustice will trouble me. I find this a personality flaw, not necessarily a strength. I am often told to pick my battles – I will fight them all. I think this is a combination of being an INFJ and having C-PTSD. When I finish my C-PTSD journey, it will be interesting to see if I am still an INFJ.

There are some strong negatives with the personality. There is something called the INFJ Door Slam. When this happens, an INFJ completely cuts someone out of their life. It can be a very sudden thing but long in coming. An INFJ will continue to tolerate abuse or other emotional hurt, hoping things will change or trying to change the circumstance to stop the hurt. Most INFJs will have a high tolerance but at some point, an accumulation of hurt will reach a point – then without warning, the INFJ will slam the door.

Emotionally, the INFJ no longer cares about the person. They will walk away for the other completely and never look back. This is done as a defense mechanism in order to stop the emotional pain. INFJs can be incredibly sensitive – more so than most other personality types. We need emotional support, harmony, and a healthy relationship. Slamming the door is a last resort but necessary for the survival of the INFJ. Once the door is slammed, it is normally permeant. Rarely if ever is the door opened again.

INFJs tend to attract the wrong person. We tend to attract emotionally needy people, narcist, or other toxic people. Why? Because we have a driving need to help others. INFJs tend to see what people can be. We see their potential and try to make them into what we know they can be. This is not always a healthy foundation for a relationship.